Ah, Thanksgiving — the one day we gather to give thanks, devour excessive amounts of food, and (if you’re lucky) sidestep awkward family conversations.
Here are ten Thanksgiving jokes guaranteed to keep you laughing until dessert. So, grab a drumstick or piece of pumpkin pie, settle in, and prepare to gobble up some laughs.
1. Turkey Talkin’ Kindergarten Realizations
Picture this: I was picking up my kindergartner after school, and she couldn’t wait to share the day’s big revelation.
“Mommy!” she chirped in the car. “Today we learned that boys are different from girls.”
My grip on the steering wheel tightened as she continued — I had no clue where this was going to go.
“My teacher said that boys have a ‘thing’ girls don’t.”
I took a deep breath, waiting for what was to come. Then, Mila clarified even further.
“Girls know boys are boys because of this thing that hangs down. And boys puff up when they see a girl they like!”
I could feel my palms sweat, my brain scrambling for words. But she wasn’t done.
“Girls like it when boys’ things move when they walk. Then they get married and get cooked.”
We finally made it home, with me still trying to figure out how I was going to answer any follow-up questions from my child.
But after Mila kicked off her shoes, she proudly pulled out her art project: a crayon sketch of a turkey, tail feathers flared, snood dangling triumphantly.
She glared when I burst out laughing at her “boy.”
But, to this day, Thanksgiving turkeys make me look twice.
2. The Prayerful Player
A 17-year-old boy visits the drugstore before Thanksgiving.
“I’m invited to my girlfriend’s for dinner, and maybe…” he hinted, winking at the pharmacist.
The man slid a box of condoms over the counter.
“Good call,” said the boy, grabbing a second box with a mischievous grin. “Her mom’s pretty attractive, too.”
Fast-forward to Thanksgiving.
The girlfriend’s mom asks him to lead grace. The boy, palms sweating, launches into the longest prayer of his life. His girlfriend leans over.
“I didn’t know you were so religious!” she whispers.
He glances back, horrified.
“I didn’t know your dad was the pharmacist!”
3. Polite Parrot Problems
A woman brought home a parrot only to find it loved to insult her. Terrified it would cause a scene, she braced herself for Thanksgiving with her entire family over.
But, as the family ate, the parrot stayed silent. Afterward, it turned to her.
“I apologize for my previous behavior. I was out of line.”
The woman blinked, stunned.
“Well, thank you,” she said.
“If I may ask,” the parrot said gravely, “what on Earth did that turkey say to you?”
4. Morning Farts and Thanksgiving Guts
An older man loved his morning ritual — letting out a thunderous fart, much to his wife’s dismay.
“One of these days, you’ll fart your guts out,” she warned him daily.
Then, on Thanksgiving morning, she had an idea.
Armed with turkey innards, she tiptoed to his bedside, slipped the guts into his underpants, and waited. The man could sleep through anything and didn’t feel it.
Until…
Moments later, after his fart of the day, he thundered down the stairs, pale and wide-eyed.
“Honey, you were right about the guts. I finally did it.”
He lifted his hands in the air.
“But thank God, I pushed them all back up there!”
